Here’s how to make emotionally intelligent friendships#
Stay in touch: Friendship is not an arena where you want to play hard to get. What are you, a carnival prize?
Gratitude: If we’re more kind to strangers than to friends, we are definitely doing something wrong.
Quality > Quantity: Share emotional experiences. That’s the secret to those friendships where you can just pick up where you left off.
Budget appropriately: Time is limited. Allocate it wisely. And this is yet another reason to ditch the jerks in your life.
How to party: Eat. Laugh. Reminisce. Avoid small talk. The more the merrier. (And maybe a bit of booze.)
Make your best friend better: You influence each other more than you know. Make yourself better and help make them better, because, in the end, those two are the same thing.
How to build emotionally intelligent friendships#
Stay in touch: Friendship is not an arena where you want to play hard to get. What are you, a carnival prize?
Gratitude: If we’re kinder to strangers than to friends, we are definitely doing something wrong.
Quality over quantity: Share emotional experiences. That’s the secret to those friendships where you can just pick up where you left off.
Budget appropriately: Time is limited. Allocate it wisely. And this is yet another reason to ditch the jerks in your life.
How to party: Eat. Laugh. Reminisce. Avoid small talk. The more the merrier. (And maybe a bit of booze.)
Make your best friend better: You influence each other more than you know. Make yourself better and help make them better, because, in the end, those two are the same thing.
This is how to have a long, awesome life#
Exercise is not natural. Neither is being sedentary. We did not evolve to move for no reason but we have been excellent at eliminating reasons. Not moving turns twenty-year-olds into forty-year-olds faster than… well, a lot faster than twenty years.
Mismatch Diseases: Many of the illnesses we attribute to age are not due to age. Live like someone lying in a hospital bed and you will soon be someone lying in a hospital bed.
Sitting, by itself, is not the problem: A standing desk at the office won’t do diddily if you’re endlessly planted on the couch at home every night.
How much? What kind?: At least 150 minutes of moderate or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise a week and weight train at least twice a week. Spend as much time worrying about “too much exercise” as you worry about the dilemma of having “too much money.”
Motivation: Create a good reason and socialize. Find something you enjoy doing or that you can attach an immediate reward to. Involve friends to add the lovely component of socializing (and for strategic guilt purposes).
This is how to live a long, awesome life:
- Inconvenience Yourself: Build more movement into your day. Take the stairs, not the escalator. Don’t use the phone, go see a friend. If you want French Press coffee, walk to France.
- Hara Hachi Bu: Eat until you’re 80% full. (The people of Okinawa seem pretty cool and I don’t think they’ll mind if you culturally appropriate this concept for the purposes of death prevention.)
- Plant Slant: More veggies. Nuts are the Infinity Stones of longevity eating, Thanos.
- Downshift: I’m not writing a description for this. I deserve a siesta. Taking it easy will extend my life so I can write more blog posts later.
- Belong: In the Blue Zone of Ikaria, there is no word for “privacy.” Now I do enjoy my privacy—but being so supported and loved that you don’t even bother to create a word for being alone is pretty cool too.
- Don’t Zone Alone: Start a “Blue Man Group”—sans face paint. Surrounding yourself with others who follow some of the Blue Zone ideas will make living longer easier and more fun.
So what’s number 7?
Purpose in life.
Ask yourself, “Why do I wake up in the morning?” If it’s a good reason, you’ll probably have a lot more mornings ahead of you.
How to live a long, awesome life#
Exercise is not natural. Neither is being sedentary. We did not evolve to move for no reason but we have been excellent at eliminating reasons. Not moving turns twenty-year-olds into forty-year-olds faster than… well, a lot faster than twenty years.
Mismatch Diseases: Many of the illnesses we attribute to age are not due to age. Live like someone lying in a hospital bed and you will soon be someone lying in a hospital bed.
Sitting, by itself, is not the problem: A standing desk at the office won’t do diddily if you’re endlessly planted on the couch at home every night.
How much? What kind?: At least 150 minutes of moderate or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise a week and weight train at least twice a week. Spend as much time worrying about “too much exercise” as you worry about the dilemma of having “too much money.”
Motivation: Create a good reason and socialize. Find something you enjoy doing or that you can attach an immediate reward to. Involve friends to add the lovely component of socializing (and for strategic guilt purposes).
How to live a long, awesome life:
- Inconvenience Yourself: Build more movement into your day. Take the stairs, not the escalator. Don’t use the phone, go see a friend. If you want French Press coffee, walk to France.
- Hara Hachi Bu: Eat until you’re 80% full. (The people of Okinawa seem pretty cool and I don’t think they’ll mind if you culturally appropriate this concept for the purposes of death prevention.)
- Plant Slant: More veggies. Nuts are the Infinity Stones of longevity eating, Thanos.
- Downshift: I’m not writing a description for this. I deserve a siesta. Taking it easy will extend my life so I can write more blog posts later.
- Belong: In the Blue Zone of Ikaria, there is no word for “privacy.” Now I do enjoy my privacy—but being so supported and loved that you don’t even bother to create a word for being alone is pretty cool too.
- Don’t Zone Alone: Start a “Blue Man Group”—sans face paint. Surrounding yourself with others who follow some of the Blue Zone ideas will make living longer easier and more fun.
So what’s number 7?
Purpose in life.
Ask yourself, “Why do I wake up in the morning?” If it’s a good reason, you’ll probably have a lot more mornings ahead of you.
Timing matters. Here’s what to do#
Sleep#
It’s not just blue light, it’s all light: Biology says when the sun goes down, you should too. Do the next best thing: kill overhead lights and dim everything else.
Your stomach is not an all-night diner: You want to be eating all your calories in less than half the day and none 3 hours before bed. Apparently, starving in the dark is good for you.
Be consistent: Sleeping in on the weekend means you’re doing it wrong during the week. Your physiology does not like an unpredictable schedule and it will seek vengeance.
The most important event of the day: Wake up, go outside, and get many many photons into your eyeballs.
Best time for brain work: 10AM to 3PM. And this reformed-night-owl writer now finds that’s when I really have a “way with words.” After 3PM, well, uh… not have way.
Exercise keeps the rhythm: Best time is after work but before dinner. If you have to work out late, use the shower trick.
Timing matters. Here’s what to do#
Not just blue light, all light: Biology says when the sun goes down, you should too. Do the next best thing: kill overhead lights and dim everything else.
Your stomach is not an all-night diner: You want to be eating all your calories in less than half the day and none 3 hours before bed. Apparently, starving in the dark is good for you.
Be consistent: Sleeping in on the weekend means you’re doing it wrong during the week. Your physiology does not like an unpredictable schedule and it will seek vengeance.
The most important event of the day: Wake up, go outside, and get many many photons into your eyeballs.
Best time for brain work: 10AM to 3PM. And this reformed-night-owl writer now finds that’s when I really have a “way with words.” After 3PM, well, uh… not have way.
Exercise keeps the rhythm: Best time is after work but before dinner. If you have to work out late, use the shower trick.
How to pursue your ideal partner#
Are you really going to settle for your current partner just because your ideal partner is so hard to find?
Oliver Emberton answered on Quora why you shouldn’t do that and explained how you can get your ideal boy or girl.
Imagine how it would feel when your goddess reluctantly says she’s willing to be with you.
She’s thinking of someone better, but he’s unattainable, so she reluctantly says she’s willing to be with you.
Feel slighted? Feel wronged? Feel sorry for yourself? Then don’t do that to others.
Okay, so do you want to get this goddess?
It’s very likely she’s not what you imagine, but that doesn’t mean the process is meaningless. It could be the warning you need.
The most wonderful yet terrifying injustice is that as a man, you have a huge potential to enhance your attractiveness. Women are more easily judged by appearance, while men are more judged by who they are and what abilities they have.
This is great news for you, especially considering your current positive attitude, as the room for improvement is nearly infinite.
First, forget about chasing the goddess.
They don’t have that kind of irresistible allure, and you need to focus your attention elsewhere. Note that the most charming men almost never actively pursue others. And the least attractive guys are always the ones who chatter and beg. Don’t become one of them.
Now you need to complete the task of personal growth to improve yourself. It depends on your deep-seated thoughts, but generally, you will maximize your health, wealth, appearance, social skills, and expand a range of interests and skills.
This isn’t the kind of simple 20-minute workout; it requires long-term commitment, and if you need to use one of these skills, you should experience the hard process of training them.
Some examples:
- Volunteer—donate blood/teach/construct shelters
- Take dance classes
- Go skydiving
- Learn to cook
- Travel to life-changing places (think Africa, not Disneyland)
- Participate in a sport and gradually master it
- Join a book club
- Learn body language and human psychology
- Find the best media—music/movies/books—and start to deeply understand them
- Learn a small magic trick
- Start a company
- Try public speaking
- Learn to dress appropriately
- Start saving for a good cause
- Begin a creative project—like filming a short or writing a short story
- Learn an instrument
- Keep a journal
- Run a marathon
Do some things that inspire others. Also do some things that inspire yourself.
You will gradually become a better person, more attractive. Your life should be a practice of great vows, not a self-pitying lament.
It’s very likely that the goddess in your heart isn’t that great after all. You’ve put her on too high a pedestal and can no longer treat her as an ordinary person objectively, and this obsessive thought will leave you disappointed. You need to channel that energy elsewhere.
You should use that energy more reasonably to achieve more. Your life is written by you, and in the end, heroes always get the beauty.
How to enhance the quality of life through rituals#
How to use rituals to enhance your quality of life:
Time is crazy. Inner time is what matters: you won’t judge your life by hours, but by meaningful moments that make up a collage.
Rituals make time meaningful: "It’s not things that give moments importance; it’s moments that give things importance." Intention, attention, repetition.
“Starting work” ritual: Do something fun before you start to get into the zone, so you reduce procrastination and perform better.
Try a secular sabbath: Step away from the world, break the routine. Novelty can stretch time and create memories.
“Compete” with friends: Play board games and sports activities. Or do something together. Ironically, giving time can make you feel like you have more time (this fact makes quantum mechanics seem logical).
Meal time rituals: Create special, memorable dinners with your loved ones. Or combine some “competition” for a food fight. (Come on, wouldn’t that be unforgettable?)
Rationally expressing disagreement#
How to disagree with emotional intelligence:
Remember relationships: Enemies don’t say, “You’re right, I’m wrong.” Friends do.
De-escalate: If your argument sounds half as harsh as what I wrote, then you’re doing it wrong.
Stop trying to control their thoughts or feelings: When people feel their autonomy is threatened, they will attack or shut down.
Help them strengthen their argument: If you can’t defeat the best version of their argument, then you’re not “right,” you’re just playing tricks. More importantly, “steel manning” shows you’re listening, you’re sincere.
Break the destructive script: Constructive dialogue has ups and downs. Don’t increase tension. Make a joke or say something positive.
Be curious: Those aliens talking to you, is their advice good?
Help them question their thinking: Therapists don’t say, “That’s ridiculous. What stroke of genius made you think such a stupid thought?” No, they keep asking questions until you start to question your thinking, and it crosses the blood-brain barrier, and what you say equals 2+2=147.
How to expand your mental capacity and get more done#
Get moving: Get your body active, and your brain will wake up too. Try using a standing desk. Take a walk when you need a break. Don’t be afraid to fidget. (If this resonates with you, it’s because I’m gesturing while typing.)
Manipulate your environment: Use large displays to leverage your visual system. And decorations. (Now you know how Martha Stewart gets so much done.)
Get into nature: Go outside. Yes, that place you’ve heard about with the sun. Or just look outside for 40 seconds. Yes, you can microdose nature.
Here’s how to improve your personality#
Extroversion: Schedule more fun activities with friends. Forget what your parents said: talk to strangers. And if you get nervous, just remember: you’re not nervous; you’re excited.
Openness: Learn Chinese. Learn to cook. Learn to cook Chinese cuisine. And get some exercise. Lack of it is a major cause of a lousy personality.
Conscientiousness: You don’t need a fancy to-do list. You need more meaningful things in your life. Think about how what you do benefits others. And don’t try to increase willpower; eliminate temptations.
Agreeableness: Build those empathy muscles. To better understand others, better understand yourself. Think about the different sides of your personality. Then spend time with people very different from you.
Neuroticism: Turn your daily worry list into a nightly gratitude list. If you can do that for six months, reward yourself with a trip to Thailand.
Here are ways to improve your personality:
Extroversion: Schedule more fun activities with friends. Forget what your parents said: talk to strangers. If you’re nervous, remember: you’re not nervous; you’re excited.
Openness: Learn Chinese. Learn to cook. Learn to cook Chinese cuisine. Get some exercise. Lack of openness is a major cause of a lousy personality.
Conscientiousness: You don’t need a fancy to-do list. You need more meaningful things in your life. Think about how what you do benefits others. Don’t try to increase willpower; eliminate temptations.
Agreeableness: Build those empathy muscles. To better understand others, better understand yourself. Think about the different sides of your personality. Then spend time with people very different from you.
Neuroticism: Turn your daily worry list into a nightly gratitude list. If you can do that for six months, reward yourself with a trip to Thailand.
How to be a rational parent#
This is how to be an emotionally intelligent parent:
- The 4 Systems: Playing dictator should be a last resort. (Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four” was not a parenting guide.) Deal with kids a lot more like you deal with adults–through influence, not demands.
- Ask “Who owns the problem?”: You can teach problem-solving and get more free time for yourself with one fell swoop. Let kids own their problems. Be an advisor.
- When the kid owns the problem, use active listening: Inigo Montoya recommends acceptance. Let them say how they feel, acknowledge those emotions and feed that back to them. If you don’t, all they’re going to hear is WA-WA-WA-WA. And then you will feel talking is pointless.
- When you own the problem, use “I” messages: In a conflict discussion, any sentence that begins with “you” and does not end with “are so wonderful” will be perceived as a rhetorical cluster grenade. Neutrally state the behavior, say how it makes you feel, state the negative concrete effects on you. This will teach them to behave better because they care.
This is the lazy way to an awesome life#
We need more awe: It brings us together and makes us feel like kids again. Good lord, it made college students put their phones down.
Momma Nature: Go for an awe walk. Or watch Blue Planet. (Whenever you hear David Attenborough’s voice, you are not far from awe.)
New Eyes: You are surrounded by miracles. Like your smartphone. Yes, you usually use that miracle to watch cat videos but a miracle is a miracle.
Find awe in other people: Gymnast George Eyser won six Olympic medals in one day, three of them gold. He had a wooden leg.
Gratitude: There was a moment in your childhood when you and your pals went out to play for the last time. And you didn’t know it. Good things end. And sometimes they never happen in the first place. You forget how lucky you are.
Here’s how to get people to change#
- Nobody Likes To Be Told What To Do: When we tell people what to do, they resist. Ask questions instead. Support “change talk.” Ignore “sustain talk.”
- Use “OARS”: Ask open questions. Affirm their strengths. Lots of reflective listening. Summarize.
- Shift The Ratio Of Change Talk To Sustain Talk: Ask questions that provoke DARN: Desire, Ability, Reasons and Need. This gets them focused on changing instead of sustaining.
- Develop Discrepancy: Ask questions that evoke the discrepancy between their values and behavior.
- Evoke Hope: Get them to reflect on previous successes in changing behavior. Get them to apply those lessons to the current issue.
- Planning: Ask “So what’s next?” Use questions to get them to clarify and make a concrete plan. Summarize. Present possible challenges so they can troubleshoot and solidify the agenda.
How to get people to change:
Nobody likes to be told what to do: When we tell people what to do, they resist. Ask questions instead. Support “change talk.” Ignore “sustain talk.”
Use “OARS”: Ask open questions. Affirm their strengths. Lots of reflective listening. Summarize.
Shift The Ratio Of Change Talk To Sustain Talk: Ask questions that provoke DARN: Desire, Ability, Reasons and Need. This gets them focused on changing instead of sustaining.
Develop Discrepancy: Ask questions that evoke the discrepancy between their values and behavior.
Evoke Hope: Get them to reflect on previous successes in changing behavior. Get them to apply those lessons to the current issue.
Planning: Ask “So what’s next?” Use questions to get them to clarify and make a concrete plan. Summarize. Present possible challenges so they can troubleshoot and solidify the agenda.
What Do Successful People Have In Common? 8 Things#
Stay Busy
Just Say No
Know What You Are
Build Networks
Create Good Luck
Have Grit
Make Awesome Mistakes
Find Mentors
What Do Successful People Have In Common? 8 Things.
Here’s how to find meaning in life#
Belong to a group: I’ll be at lunch with Andy and the guys. Where will you be?
Give your work purpose: You’re not emptying trash cans. You’re helping get a man on the moon.
Craft your story: End it with redemption, not contamination, and become the superhero of your life.
Transcendence: Nature is big. Your problems are small.
https://bakadesuyo.com/2016/10/meaning-in-life-2/#
“Long-term career satisfaction requires traits like a real sense of autonomy, a real sense of impact on the world, a sense of mastery that you’re good at what you do, and a sense of connection in relation to other people.”
Here’s how to make your life exciting#
Avoid smoking and drinking: Obviously.
Years of education = good thing: Education seems to increase good habits (being surrounded by smart, ambitious people is never a bad thing).
Have a happy childhood: This is very important. And surrounding yourself with those who love you later in life can help heal a difficult childhood.
Relationships are everything: “Happiness is love, that’s it.”
Mature coping skills: Stop projecting and being passive-aggressive. Use mature defense mechanisms like humor when life gets tough. (Yes, immature humor counts as mature coping. You’re welcome.)
Creativity: Build a beautiful life, a well-rounded self, and give back to society.
Here are ways to keep your brain sharp as you age…#
Exercise: Yes, you need to go to the gym; it’s the most evil invention since the 24-hour news cycle. What’s good for the heart is good for the brain.
Cognitive activity: Once you worried more about acne than your pension. Your brain starts like Google and ends up barely loading the homepage. Read more, challenge yourself so your neurons don’t hold up “going out of business” signs.
Social: Parties. Remember those? They’re not “rave until dawn” anymore; they’re “sip herbal tea and complain about property taxes.” You can play some fun games like “Guess who’s on new meds” and “Who was that again?” That’s fun. And good for your brain.
Nutrition: Fish may be brain food, but it’s not as tasty as a burger, and cooking it makes your house smell like Poseidon’s armpit. I get it. But improving your diet is good for cardiovascular health and brain health.
Sleep: Remember sleeping until noon as a teenager? Those days are gone. Now, getting a good night’s sleep is like downloading a large file on dial-up. It’s slow, frustrating, and likely to stop for no reason halfway through. But your brain needs it to clear out the junk associated with dementia. And that’s fun.
Here’s how to ensure your New Year’s resolutions succeed#
New Year’s resolutions. Singular: When we try to pursue too many North Stars at once, we’re like confused moths in a lamp store. Choose one resolution and go all in.
Stop fantasizing: Fantasizing about your goals is like binge-watching a marathon of TV shows; it may feel productive, but you’re still just sitting on the couch. Stop dreaming and start planning. Forget the fantasy and think about how to overcome the obstacles ahead.
Make a plan: Those who make plans actually stick to their resolutions. Shocking, I know. It’s like discovering that water is wet or cats are indifferent. Make that plan as specific as the person in Starbucks who orders a half-caf, soy latte with two pumps of vanilla syrup, light foam, and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Then write that plan down.
Minimum Viable Effort (MVE): Start with the minimum viable effort and then build up. This approach is very suitable for the modern world. Why? Because it’s built on low expectations and achievable goals. It’s about setting the bar so low that you can’t help but trip into success. Then, once you’re consistent, ramp it up.
Don’t eliminate bad habits. Replace them: You’re a cat scratching the furniture. You need a scratching post.
Manipulate your environment: Change your environment to make it easy to do what you should do and hard to do what you shouldn’t do. Shape your environment and then let it gently guide you to become the person you want to be.
Use commitment devices: You give a friend a stack of cash, and they only return it to you if you stick to your resolution. I’m not in favor of bullying unless it’s your present self torturing your future self for the sake of self-improvement.
Leverage friends: Peer pressure can be a good thing. Spend more time with the people you want to become. They’re like perceptive sticky notes reminding you what you need to do.
When kids feel anxious…#
Listen. Then identify thoughts and feelings: Listening to a teenager is a bit like being a tourist at a cultural festival where you don’t understand the language. Magical responses start with “It sounds like you…”
Use a word or sound to affirm feelings: Let them keep talking so the emotions can dissipate. Use minimal encouraging responses: Oh… uh… I see.
Express your feelings: Don’t attack. State your feelings neutrally.
Give them what you can’t give in reality in fantasy: It’s a gimmick, but it’s a helpful gimmick. It’s fun, humanizing, and indirect. “Wouldn’t it be nice if someone could help you with your homework?”
Acknowledge feelings while guiding unacceptable behavior: Stand your ground, but acknowledge their emotions and respect them. Be the adult in the room—because you are, literally.
And when you need them to do something#
Don’t give orders, describe the problem: Just state the situation. They’re not stupid. Maybe a little crazy, but not stupid. Orders will be resisted.
Describe your feelings: Arguments will provoke their rebuttal. Teenagers understand feelings; they have too many feelings.
Don’t give orders, offer choices: Sure, it may be a false dichotomy, but it’s less likely to escalate and makes them feel they have a say.
Don’t lecture, express with a word: Yes, I know you’re passionate about your important life lessons, just like you’re craving that hot pizza you can’t have because your metabolism hasn’t cooperated since 1997. Don’t preach. Express with a word.
State your values: Don’t nag about what’s wrong. Don’t pull any lessons from your “back in my day” textbook. Just state your view on how we do things in this family.
Don’t scold angrily, do something unexpected: Don’t nag or blame. This leads to uncomfortable realizations like, “Oh my god, I’ve become that parent.” Do something fun that indirectly reminds them of what you want.
Here are ways to improve emotional intelligence by being a better listener#
Treat attention as a switch, not a dimmer: You nod and smile, but inside you’re silently composing a haiku about how boring it is. Instead, be fully engaged. There’s nothing but this person. They will like you for it.
Become an active listener: This listening is so active that if it were any more intense, you might need a sports drink to maintain it.
Favor familiar topics: People don’t like talking about new things they can’t relate to. Find out what they love and discuss it.
Let them be the authors, not just witnesses: Draw out the personal feelings behind the stories.
Loop back: Repeat the last few words they said. It’s like executing “Ctrl+C” and then “Ctrl+V” on your friend’s crazy life choices. It’s helpful.
Find the divergence behind the divergence: When you’re one unkind word away from an emotional meltdown, pivot to discussing values. Discussing different priorities is far less threatening and much more interesting.
Don’t be a show-off: Nobody likes that person. They’re like cilantro in personality; you either tolerate them or spend a lot of time trying to weed them out of your life.
Ask questions. Good questions: “Are you really going to eat all those corn chips?” is not a good question. A good question unlocks the secret garden of someone’s personality, where the flowers of their quirkiest thoughts bloom.
Here’s how to spend money to maximize happiness…#
Buy many small pleasures instead of a few big ones: Don’t save all year for one huge, wallet-draining item. Spread the money around for many small boosts.
Buy experiences instead of more stuff: More amusement parks and vacations. Less trinkets and TVs.
Delay consumption to increase anticipation: Anticipating something is often more satisfying than actually getting it. Turns out, anticipation is the main event. The actual product is just the merchandise you buy at the end of the concert.
Consider the full impact of purchases: Riding in a hot air balloon looks great on Instagram, but they don’t show you praying to every deity you can think of while in a wicker basket 10,000 feet in the air with a giant flame above your head. Next time you’re making a big purchase, consider the whole picture.
Following the crowd can be a good idea: In the pursuit of happiness, we often forget a simple truth: looking at what makes others happy can be a shortcut to our own happiness.
Spend money on basic emotions: Forget that suburban gladiatorial arena called “keeping up with the Joneses.” Instead of buying status, buy capability, connection, and autonomy.
Buy time: The sweet paradox of modern life: we hustle to earn those almighty dollars only to find we have no time to enjoy them. (If you really want to inspire envy among others, a lot of free time may have a greater effect than money.)
Treat it as a special treat: We live in a world of instant gratification, where happiness is as easily obtained as a bad decision at a high school reunion. So create artificial scarcity. It’s like being hard to get. Suddenly, those simple pleasures become as tantalizing as forbidden romances in Victorian novels.
Here’s how to improve your life through “subtraction”…#
“More” bias: We have blind spots when it comes to reduction, even when it’s the best solution. Think about it: hoarding is a pretty common disease. We don’t see extreme minimalism go off the rails. Don’t expect to see reality shows about monks getting in trouble for throwing away too much stuff.
Avoid the capability trap: You can’t say, “Sorry, I can’t attend your dog’s birthday party; I already have a prior engagement for my sanity.” But reframing “subtraction” can make doing less feel normal. Clean, carve, organize, refine, or optimize your life.
Make “significant reduction” a reality: The best books you read are carefully edited, the beautiful homes you admire aren’t cluttered, and short medical lists can save lives. Extreme focus on fewer things isn’t laziness; it’s elevating quality by emphasizing importance.
Don’t buy things, buy time: I don’t know how you feel, but I’d rather have a small TV and time to watch it than a huge TV but no time to enjoy it. Buying time will make you happier than buying things.
Practice “strategic frugality”: Stop trying to impress people. Change your mindset from “What can I buy?” to “What can I earn?” Splurge on the things you love, and be ruthless in saving on everything else.
No debt: Paying off debt has guaranteed returns. Literally zero risk. You’re not paying interest on things you don’t need.
Things that won’t make you rich: Picking individual stocks is a magical activity where adults bet their hard-earned cash based on advice from people who know nothing about the companies. And the house you live in may be a wonderful thing, but it’s not an investment.
401(k) and Roth IRA: Investing in a 401(k) plan and a Roth IRA is one of the most responsible things you can do, second only to choosing a sensible dishwasher. You want to put as much as possible into tax-advantaged accounts.
Index funds or target-date funds: The sweatpants of investing. Not sexy, but very comfortable. After you invest, go live your life. Watch TV, grow a bonsai tree, stare into the abyss. Your index fund doesn’t need constant attention.
Here’s how to slowly become wealthy…#
Practice “strategic frugality”: Stop trying to impress people. Shift your thinking from “What can I buy?” to “What can I earn?” Splurge on the things you love, and be ruthless in saving on everything else.
No debt: Paying off debt has guaranteed returns. Literally zero risk. You’re not paying interest on things you don’t need.
Things that won’t make you rich: Picking individual stocks is a magical activity where adults bet their hard-earned cash based on advice from people who know nothing about the companies. And the house you live in may be a wonderful thing, but it’s not an investment.
401(k) and Roth IRA: Investing in a 401(k) plan and a Roth IRA is one of the most responsible things you can do, second only to choosing a sensible dishwasher. You want to put as much as possible into tax-advantaged accounts.
Index funds or target-date funds: The sweatpants of investing. Not sexy, but very comfortable. After you invest, go live your life. Watch TV, grow a bonsai tree, stare into the abyss. Your index fund doesn’t need constant attention.
Here are your options for how to “seize the day”…#
Live This Day As If It Were Your Last: On the surface this sounds like you’re trying to turn your life into some sort of Jackass-meets-the-Purge situation. But it doesn’t need to be that extreme. If you’re not occasionally ditching responsibilities to belt out “Total Eclipse of the Heart” to a crowd of strangers in a karaoke bar at 2 a.m., you’re not living.
Live This Year As If It Were Your Last: It’s not the end… but you can see it from here. You have time, but not too much time. This can help you prioritize without going crazy. And you’ll be more grateful.
Live This Day As If It Were Your First: “Be present” isn’t just a Pinterest quote for people who wear hemp. Really look around and notice the things you’ve come to ignore. See the world like a child again.
Live This Day As If You Were Living It For The Second Time: With the weight of that invisible, non-existent first day looming over you like a disapproving gym coach, you’ll skip some of the dumb decisions that usually leave you feeling like you’ve been hit by the regret bus. And you’ll seize those opportunities that make life memorable.
Here are ways to “live in the moment”#
1. Live This Day As If It Were Your Last:
On the surface, this sounds like you’re trying to turn your life into some sort of Jackass-meets-the-Purge situation. But it doesn’t need to be that extreme. If you’re not occasionally ditching responsibilities to belt out “Total Eclipse of the Heart” to a crowd of strangers in a karaoke bar at 2 a.m., you’re not living.
2. Live This Year As If It Were Your Last:
It’s not the end… but you can see it from here. You have time, but not too much time. This can help you prioritize without going crazy. And you’ll be more grateful.
3. Live This Day As If It Were Your First:
“Be present” isn’t just a Pinterest quote for people who wear hemp. Really look around and notice the things you’ve come to ignore. See the world like a child again.
4. Live This Day As If You Were Living It For The Second Time:
With the weight of that invisible, non-existent first day looming over you like a disapproving gym coach, you’ll skip some of the dumb decisions that usually leave you feeling like you’ve been hit by the regret bus. And you’ll seize those opportunities that make life memorable.
Here’s how to ensure your New Year’s resolutions succeed#
New Year’s resolutions:
Single goal: Setting five goals is like deciding to climb Mount Everest while also thinking about a trip to the moon before you leave.
Stop fantasizing:
When you fantasize about having the perfect beach body, your brain thinks, “Awesome, we’ve achieved it! Now we can do nothing to celebrate.”
Make a plan:
Saying “I want to be healthier” is not a plan; it’s a statement. It’s as actionable as saying “I want to be a little taller.” What does “healthier” specifically mean for you? Define your goals and write them down.
Minimum Viable Effort (MVE):
At the start, set the bar for success low enough that it’s almost on the ground. Think about it: if you aim for the moon and miss, you won’t land among the stars; you’ll float in the vast, cold void of space.
Replace rather than eliminate:
Want to cut back on coffee? Substitute herbal tea. This way, you may not feel as jittery, but you might feel a slight disappointment instead.
Manipulate your environment:
Change your environment to make good choices easy and bad choices require enough effort that your brain just gives up.
Use commitment devices:
Commitment devices don’t rely on willpower; they trap your life so that your future self has no choice but to comply.
Leverage peer pressure:
Surround yourself with the people you want to become; their success will rub off on you like glitter at a craft party.